Rowan's Four!

Today, my little guppy is officially four years old. So big, and so very little at the same time. This is the first year that I've woken up, run a mental finger over all my old wounds, and been generally OK with everything that happened in Rowan's birth. In years past, I've woken up screaming, had horrible cramps all day, and just generally had all kinds of little tweaky PTSD symptoms (unrecognized, untreated, generally scoffed at and ignored, cause afterall, I have a healthy baby, right? ::snarl::). My VBAC seems to have healed a lot of those old wounds, and I'm grateful for it. I was pretty sick of being sick. Course, the topic of unnecessary Cesareans still makes me a bit rabid, and I'm still trying desperately to figure out how to help women not become like me, still with very little success. But back to Rowan. His personality has developed so intensely over the last year. Sometimes it's all I can do to keep up. I've found that if I remember that it's all about his stomach (a Cancerian trait), and that he approaches everything shyly, and sideways (more Cancerian), we do OK. And yet, he's so close to Leo, there's a streak of boldness, of "look at me!" that's really breathtaking. I could ramble on about his vocabulary, which is stunning, his ability for logical thought, which is astounding, his physical agility and grace, which are subjects of both awe and terror. He's any parent's dream and nightmare, which is true for pretty much any four year old, I think. I struggle daily with the lows of dealing with losing my temper at him, and the highs of trying to figure out how to give him all the tools he needs to become whatever will give him the most personal joy. This parenting thing is certainly a ride. Thank you, my little Rowan T., for four very intense years. I can't wait to see what happens next...